"Then we leap into the forest or into the desert or into the snow and run hard, our eyes scanning the ground, our hearing sharply tuned, searching under, searching over, searching for a clue, a remnant, a sign that she still lives, that we have not lost our chance.
And when we pick up her trail, it is typical of women to ride hard to catch up, to clear off the desk, clear off the relationship, clear out one's mind, turn to a new page, insist on a break, break the rules, stop the world, for we are not going on without her any longer."
~Women Who Run With the Wolves, page 5 & 6 by Clarissa Pin Kola Estes, Ph.D.
That describes the past 5 years of my life. I keep seeing her and then I lose sight of her and think she has left me, given up on me or died waiting for me.
Little glimpses of the Wild Woman out of the corner of my eye or in my day dreams.
"The longing for her comes when one happens across someone who has secured this wildish relationship."
And that is how it happened, I happened across women who had either secured or were in the process of securing their wildness.
I found this book from a Facebook Group I joined. I kept enjoying the little snippets they would post from the book. I knew I had to have a copy all my own.
When I placed the book down on the counter the cashier looked up at me and grinned. She asked if it was my first time reading it. I told her it was and I couldn't believe I had never heard of this book before. She smiled very knowingly and replied, "This book finds each of us when we are ready for it."
Six pages in and I know this book found me because I am ready & in desperate need of validation that my gut is leading me down path where I reconnect with who I was before I was hurt & muzzled & tamed.
I keep allowing myself to be leashed in to domestic bliss, as it is warm and comforting and feels safe.
Then I start the anxious art of pacing the fence, acting skittish and nipping at those around me. I can hear it on the breeze that floats across my feet at night, freedom is calling me.
And then I find myself outside looking at the night sky feeling the cold wet grass beneath my feet and my thoughts turn to how I will "slip the collar" and escape because I am "not going on without her any longer."
While you don't know it yet, this is why I haven't written in the past 30 days. My life has been in the chaos that swirls around major life change. I have been getting as quiet as I can and listening to what my soul is telling me it desires. I have been building little fences to help me with my boundaries.
My wild woman is very much alive and beckoning me into her arms as she has been waiting a terribly long time for me to find her.