When you reach the point in your journey where you accept that you alone create your reality, it is both liberating and frustrating, mostly frustrating. You would think it would all be cherubs and rainbows, but it is really hard work to "get real" and get down to the serious work of living life.
Accepting that I alone create my life means that no one is doing things to me. No one else is screwing up my life. No one else to blame for how my life is going. The world is not against me.
I am against me and I am choosing to punish myself and keep myself in the past. It means that in each moment where I am given an option to create, that I am actively choosing to sabotage myself, rather than reach for joy.
Joy and lack are both at arms reach at all times. Lack may reside closer to my dominant hand, or maybe it gets chosen first because reaching for lack becomes a learned reaction, but I have two hands and while it will feel unnatural for a while, I need to learn to reach for joy. I can change my mind at any point in each day and reach for joy.
I listen to and read a great deal about creating the life you want to live. Each speaker and author tells you the basic reality that you have to raise your energy & vibration to attract positive things and people into your life. Everyone teaches that if you are down and worried and anxious, that is what you call to you, more stress, worry & anxiety.
Even when I don't feel I understand how this law of attraction thing works, or that it is too hard or too magical and hooey, or that I am not capable of raising my energy to create the life I want, I have zero problem creating the drama filled, shitty, painful, miserable existence where everything always goes wrong. I have zero problem believing that doom and gloom are coming my way.
Even when I don't think I am creating my life, I am. By active choice or by being passive. By choosing joy or by choosing fear and lack.
Why is it easier to believe that I deserve the bad stuff instead of having hope? If I accept that I am the only one creating my life and reality, then I should choose better, right?
Then the question becomes why? Why do I choose so poorly for myself? Do I not believe that I deserve to be happy? Do I not believe that I am worthy of a good life filled with abundance?
I am just now beginning to connect how insidious limiting beliefs are and how deeply some of them are buried.
This morning I was listening to Hay House Radio and Sonia Ricotti, author of Unsinkable, says that "You get what you are, not what you want." If you are sad and angry and feeling that life is screwing you, then you are creating more of that in your life. If you are stuck with a story of lack, you will keep lacking. She talks about accepting life as it is. Accepting your problems for what they are. If you have $10k in credit card debt, stop focusing on the past that allowed you to accrue the debt. Stop emotionally beating yourself up. Just accept it as fact. You owe $10k in credit card debt. You have made poor choices with your money. Accept it. Stop attaching feelings to it. Stop living in the past.
Come into the present moment, because staying in the past doesn't change the debt or make it go away. She explains that if you can stay in the present and accept the past as just facts, then you can let go of the emotional charge and look at the situation as it is. I am in debt. I do not want to make bad choices with my money any longer. What plan can I create to stop this cycle? Seeing the problem as fact and releasing the emotion attached to it allows you to use your intelligence to create solutions.
If you can stay present in the present, then you stop telling yourself old dated stories and holding yourself down.
Worry, anxiety and fear are all signs you are living in the future, borrowing possible outcomes.
Depression, anger and resentment are signs you are living in the past.
None of the stuff that is stressing you is happening in this exact moment. In this exact moment you are just reliving and reviewing what has happened and forecasting more bad coming your way.
I spend a lot of time remembering how things happened in the past and projecting that onto what could happen in future, so I am double fucked worrying about the past and the future. I am a "what if" queen. I can work myself into a tizzy trying to figure out the future. I am working on staying present, just in this moment. Worrying about what has been and what could be is robbing me of peace of mind. It fills my head with so much noise that I can't relax and I can't hear my gut speak to me and I am at a constant state of alert. The choice to borrow trouble robs me of the recharging I need.
I believe that if you want more happiness and joy in your life, then you have to look for it and take the time to acknowledge to the Universe that you saw that sweet moment, that you felt it. Each time you take the time to be grateful, you invite more happiness to visit you.
"You get what you are, not what you want." Sonia Ricotti
So, be grateful for all of the blessings in your day. I am safe, well fed, loved, healthy & happy!
Gabrielle Bernstein writes in Miracles Now to wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it on your wrist when you get stuck in the negative feelings. Snap yourself out of the negativity. It is truly amazing how many times a day most of us allow our thoughts to be negative and low energy.
It is equally scary how many time a day we allow our self talk to be down right ugly and brutal.
I took Gabrielle's advice and had my kids wear rubber bands this summer on our family vacation because around day two I was tired of listening to the low level endless complaining. Complaining about everything, lack of space, being bored, not being entertained, not being interested in what we were seeing or doing that day, breakfast just being ok, nothing special. Family vacations are always difficult, but a two day car trip from Colorado to California was starting to turn ugly. I was teetering on requiring complete silence so I could enjoy my little bit of the car space. It just went on and on. I was getting so caught up in being disappointed that they weren't enjoying this trip that we had saved up a great deal of money to take them on.
At one point my lovely daughter was feeling so oppressed by my asking her to just be quiet that she asked, "What so I can't talk anymore?" Said in snotty preteen voice. My reply was, "No. If you don't have something nice or positive to say, I really would rather you just keep the thoughts in your head." She was pissed, but I had the silence to relax again.
They weren't even aware of how incessant the ugly chatter was getting. Rubber bands on their wrist and my gentle reminder that what they had just said was ugly and negative and by the end of the day they got the message (temporarily). This is a lesson best taught daily for permanent results.
Most of us are not aware of how we reinforce the ugly and angry in our life. I have an endless stream of ugly self talk going on in my head. I have rented out too much space to others over the years. Several times a day we find ways to justify why life is always going wrong for us. Even now, I sometimes find myself around lunch time just feeling yuck, angry, and irritated. Too many angry people have called, emailed or physically presented themselves to stand over me bitching and moaning.
Then I am blessed to get a text or email that radiates happiness and joy and I get to shift my energy and my day. For those Angels out there who send sweet text, emails or photos with uplifting messages, or photos of baby animals, keep them coming. It may seem like a small insignificant thing to do, but on those rough days it is the answer to my silent prayer for help.
Acknowledging the many, many small blessing throughout the day is the shift we need. Taking as little as 1 minute to count your blessings three times a day, is all it takes to shift or change your energy from feeling lack to feeling blessed.
My girlfriend's daughter used to write positive affirmations on sticky notes and post them in the bathrooms in their house. I was amazed at how wonderful it was to sit down to pee and see a note that "You are beautiful." I had forgotten how sweet her little messages were. How sad is it that reading that post it note used to be one of the few kind parts of my day.
I will get some post it notes and start papering my home with positive reminders to make my family smile!
I want to learn to be kinder to myself. I want to be a walking example of actively choosing happiness, meaning I want self correct as needed throughout the day. I want to remember that the power is mine to create the life I dream of.
Knowing that I always have the option of choosing between joy or fear, I am going to start choosing joy and all of the feel good options available to me! I choose to raise my vibration to bring more chocolatey goodness my way by taking time to be grateful and looking for the blessings in each day!