I do not remember a time when I believed my life would turn out okay.
My childhood was very rocky.
My teens years made me feel empowered, but none of it was real.
Married at 17, divorced by 20.
I had brief moments where I felt in control, but there were only an illusion.
Then I met another man who I believed I could trust.
Only to find he could not hold up his portion of our reality.
A child came, then shortly after a second and my role became locked in as the non earning caregiver.
It was best for the family and so I lost my power again.
I lost my power to be a partner in my own story.
Then my anger destroyed my marriage.
Then I met another man who I felt I could trust.
I misjudged that situation as I have before, but I fell in love with this man.
I cannot shake my love of this man, but feel my anger reaching my melting point.
My life is some automatic cyclical nightmare.
Spinning in circles makes me fucking sick.
Love is my downfall.