Far more often than not, life has been very hard for me. There has been far more lack than plenty.
This is what I grew up knowing. There was mostly enough, mostly when needed, but there was never plenty. There was never ease.
That being said, I grew up knowing how hard my parents worked for every thing we had.
This is how my morning started. I leaned back in my chair and giggled. This is what I have dreamed of being a part of and never knew existed.
My boss then asked me to start pulling together a draft proposal for a non-profit benefit. Linens and freakin' sequins baby! High end glitter! Table lines of cream and gold glitter chevrons.
Then my boss showed me the chandelier that will be center stage.
There will be metallic & glass balls and sequin table linens of silver and gold.
I am sitting at work on Pinterest searching for images to show the client how the designer wants the event to feel.
It is truly crazy when you get a taste of what your life could have been like if you had figured out you are an artist, a feeler, a creater, a dream weaver.
I couldn't help it and had to touch each bit of this arrangement.
I ended the day watching another designer create mock ups with glass vases, metal tiles, under water tea light, floating candles and branches spray painted white. I am not making this up. It is like watching a live action Pinterest video blog.
I live for reasons to step away from my station and wander into the design areas. So far, they don't seem to mind that I lean onto the counters and ask questions and just stare, mouth open.
I just want to breathe the air of people doing and creating and living.
Two weeks ago, I was being yelled at, verbally & publically harassed and abused by my employer. Five months ago, I was smacking my head on a desk trying to hand walk owners through figuring out their taxes on their investment properties. For the past 3 years, I was wearing flip flops to evictions so I didn't get exposed to bed bugs. I have spent years having angry, frustrated, scared people at the end of their ropes screaming and cursing me for putting their families on the streets. Because of the extreme amount of ugly in that day to day, I did whatever I could, even though it was always so small, to help someone up and out of the shit hole of despair so many working poor find themselves hip deep in.
Today, I am exhaling so much gratefulness and thankfulness. I feel like I have woken up from a horrible nightmare to find that my life is very sweet, and that I can fill my life with joy and happiness and celebration!