I knew I was opening a big ass can of whoop ass, but it pisses me off to follow the Judges spiteful Final Divorce Orders and for my ex to choose not to for over 20 months and he has suffered no consequences.
I am always irritated when he explains that he is part of the working poor who live pay check to pay check on $8000 a month. He actually tries to explain to me how hard it is for him to cover all of "his" bills and feed our children. He says this while he knows I make about a quarter of what he does.
He never chose to ask the courts to modify or lower his spousal support payment. Nope, he just decided he couldn't afford to pay me anymore & stopped.
He did this to his first wife as well. His child support obligation was only $250 a month while he was making $60k to $100k. I don't know why she never took him back to court, but she didn't. So not judging her as I didn't either for 20 months. This is a terribly difficult decision to make because me doing what is right and legal will be twisted in it's presentation to our kids. He sent me a very sad email detailing why he can barely make ends meet with what he is paid.
I feel for him, until I write the check to him each month.
Tomorrow morning is my court date. My stomach is swirling like a tornado. I keep waking up in sweats and in a panic due to how outrageously court went the past two times I was in front of this small town judge.
I had to dig through all of my files to locate the papers I want to take with me and in doing so I had to touch and scan documents that are so terribly painful to relive. Tomorrow night when I get home, I will put the lids back on these boxes and haul them back to the basement where they can be out of sight and out of mind.
I have been reminded that best case scenario, I will finally get child support and maybe have the judge wag his finger at my ex's contempt of court attitude. Second best would be for me to not have to pay my ex support ever again. Worst case scenario, the numbers will magically morph in their excel spreadsheet and I won't get any child support and will have to continue to pay him $25.59 every month for the next 5 years.
Regardless, I am proud of myself for taking this step forward to showing him and the universe that I will stand up and firm for what I deserve and need. I will no longer reward his bad behavior with my silence. I will not have my silence be seen as compliance and acceptance of his manipulation and control.
I am pulling out all the stops to relax, breathe, listen to my guided meditation, be gentle with my food choices, and there will be a hot bath and sleeping pill tonight.
My daughter just told me that her dad won't be at Scouts tonight because he has to work on some stuff for tomorrow. I am very grateful I won't have to see him tonight or have him push to find out why I didn't accept his genuine and fair offer. I am terrified and terribly intrigued to see how he is going to present his poor me to try to get out of paying me child support. I have seen some cruel and unfair things happen in court rooms.
I will be calling on all of my friends to send up a prayer for peaceful fair resolution tomorrow. I will be asking that my angels to hover around me in the court room. I will be practicing envisioning a big white bubble of love and protection around me.
I am hoping the Judge keeps us on track and focused only on the facts, not the sad stories and excuses. Plug in the numbers, have an amount for support generated, set the date it is due and let me flee that damn building.