Good Morning All! This morning was going to be a quick one card pull until I pulled the Be Honest With Yourself card. That always freaks me out. There are too many layers of things bubbling in my life right now.
Be Honest With Yourself
You received this card as a gentle confrontation because the Angels know you've been hiding from your true feelings.
You've been afraid if you admitted how you honestly felt you'd be overwhelmed with feelings & faced with some necessary changes you feel unprepared for.
THEN I pulled New Partner.
Someone new has (or is about to) to enter your life as an answer to your prayers.
Allow other people to help you.
THEN I pulled Steady Progress.
This is my Angels reminding me that even though it is doesn't feel like I am on the right path or that things aren't happening fast enough, that they are.
Each day take one small action step on a project you are passionate about.
Seeing all three cards allowed me to exhale. When you see it in the bigger picture that first card isn't as scary. I am very much in a phase of change and there is so much uncertainty right now.
I am reaching out for to those in my life for help & guidance.
I am trying to be patient with my progress and enjoy each moment. I do get caught up in wanting things to happen faster, but I am able to remind myself that I can feel the rightness in what I am doing and am willing to allow it to all unfold in the right time.
Getting the Steady Progress card is that gentle reminder, every couple of days to stop beating myself up and enjoy the process, to breathe.
I feel like obnoxious Sponge Bob chanting "I'm Ready. I'm Ready. I'm Ready."
Breathe; inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.
Angels can scream and they are being very direct with the cards I receive from my Angel Cards.
Yesterday my Angel card was Listen.
"You received this card because the Angels wish to get their message through to you. "
Wow, sorry Angels, no need to get snotty, right?! I get it, "through to you!"
"If it seems they are not answering, it's because you're not listening to their answers. Retreat to a quiet place with the intent of listening to your Angels."
Again, wow & sorry Angels. Fine I am not listening. I am too scared to listen.
Today my Angel card was Daydream.
"You will more easily hear & receive our messages if you daydream regularly."
When the hell do I have time to freakin daydream? Guess I could have yesterday either of the two times my car wouldn't start and I have forced down time.
I remember being 11 or 12 and our minister was at our house, and was talking to me about my upcoming baptism. I asked why God didn't just clearly talk to me. He has the power to and has chosen to. I asked why when I prayed for direction didn't he just make the mobile hanging from my ceiling move. The minister told me That God didn't do things like that because it would scare the crap out of us if things started moving & if I started hearing voices.
OK, so that makes sense, kinda.
Yes it would freak me out, for a while & would probably lead to me getting irritated with the constant interruptions & I would probably get pissed at the lack of free will, but damn it would make the hard, scary, anxious days easier and it feels like their are so many more hard uncertain days than there are the easy ones where I am not asking for direction.
The two evenings I don't have the kids would be perfect "get quiet" times, but I seem to fill those nights quickly with extra hours at work to make up for leaving early the days I have the kids. Or I fill them up with errands I don't want to run with the kids. Or best yet, I piss them away being exhausted & going to bed before 9 p.m.
I have been so out of alignment with my soul for so long that I think I have come to fear being quiet & listening because I grew weary of listening to the hard things/choices I should have been making and didn't want to. Now getting quiet & listening feels like bad friend torture where you have to endure hours of "I told you so's" and "you should have's".
I need to make peace with quiet again so I can hear the answers I am praying for.
I heard Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love tell Oprah that one way to know if the guidance you are receiving is from God or your ego, is that God or the Divine is not about judgement. How weird is that to believe that when God talks to us it isn't in judgement. Boy that feels so contrary to the messages I got growing up. She says that the voice we hear that judges us or makes us feel bad for mistakes is our ego.
I love the idea that God is only love and only wants love & joy for us.
I love the idea that the hurtful, angry, judging voice that makes me feel wrong & bad & stupid is my ego, not God.
If I really want guidance, then I need to make getting quiet a big priority right now. Kinda sucks to spend so much time praying and asking for guidance, and then keep myself so busy and sick that I can't hear the answers I was asking for. I love starting mornings out realizing that I am my own biggest problem, not.
I know that when life is spinning out of control and the pressure is on that this is the most important time to stop and listen, but it is very hard to quiet the horrid inner dialogue to hear the guidance I am requesting. I am worried that like the past few years, I will not like the answers that come. That I will not want to heed their wisdom. That they will be the hard decisions that I have not wanted to make.
I am going to be practical and choose to set aside 30 minutes of quiet per day. Maybe as I get a few days behind me, I won't be so fearful of listening and daydreaming. Maybe the messages won't be as bad as I have feared. Maybe even if there are hard decisions ahead, I will make them because I know they are the answer to my prayers.
My question to all of you is, how do you hear God or whomever your higher power is speak to you? When you pray or meditate or get quiet to receive guidance, how does it come to you? How do you receive the answers to your prayers?
Happy All Saints Day!!
My Angel card today is Opportunity to Forgive.
When I look back over my days & months in my journal, a lot of my cards deal with Forgiveness. I truly get why this theme is so pervasive in my readings. In my heart, I have a lot of people that I need to forgive. I also have a long list of things I need to forgive myself for.
The meaning to the Opportunity to Forgive card says that "the Angels sent you this card because they see that you've grown weary of reoccurring negative patterns in your life."
Yes I have. Weary so describes how I feel.
"To break this cycle, it is important for you to release old toxic thoughts." "You can do this by breathing deeply & on each exhalation give your fears, worries, anger & other painful emotions to the Angels."
I adore this Angel Card deck! All of the cards are beautiful and uplifting, no doom & gloom. Each morning I am given a beautiful idea to consider as I move throughout my day.
Then in my daily random flip to a page in Miracles Now, by Gabrielle Bernstein, I landed on #57 Surrender It All. It seems I have another day of forgiveness and surrender in front of me.
"Try not to pray for a specific outcome--instead pray for peace. Accessing a perfect state of peace of mind is really all we need." MM#57 I surrender it all.
So, I am going to work on forgiveness this month.
I know I will be working on it for way longer than a month, like daily for-e-ver, but I need to get some of the smaller, easier to release old emotions out of my head & heart. A couple of days ago I saw a name flash across my phone that I haven't actively seen in a very long time. It is someone I have cared deeply about. Her connecting even in such a small way started the wheels turning and I know that today's release of old toxic thoughts will be to her (and him).
I am also sending out a special prayer to a good friend who is taking part one of the bar exam today! She doesn't need my prayer because she will kick ass today, but prayers help us stay connected to those we love.