On this day when we are praying for those enduring Hurricane Irma, 60 some fires in the west and northwest, and remembering those who lost their lives when our country was attacked, I am also praying for my daughter.
She is such a strong and steady young woman. She rolls with the punches as best she can. When she is angry and hurt she is a handful, but she doesn't get angry or nasty very often. She is the girl you can tell your worries to. She can sit with you and hold them and remind you that you are not alone in this world.
The girl drama in her life is unimaginable. Since middle school she has made friends with girls who are not inclusive. They want her to only be friends with them and/or whomever they deem worthy. When I sit here and think back to how long this has been going on it has been the past 4 years.
We all hear about how nasty girls are to each other, but to watch it really happening, to read the text is heartbreaking.
The amount of control these girls want is insane. They unfriend her with regularity when she spends too much time with a girl they don't like. The text tell my daughter that while they like "her", they can't be friends with her if she continues to hang out with this other girl that they do not like. And not just one text, so many text, so many girls chiming in. The ability to group text and rally your bitches is mean. They are all snotty, bitchy and mean.
I cannot imagine 5 to 10 girls chiming in to tell me they can't be my friend because I am not doing what they want me to. I can't image the pressure and worry my daughter is carrying.
If you are a parent reading this, ask your child for their phone tonight. Have them sit down next to you and watch you read their text. Have them open up their group chats in Instagram, Snapchat, Ghost, Kik.. When was the last time you sat down to see how many different messaging apps your child has on their phone? When was the last time you spent an hour reading what your child is discussing and with whom? I dare you to do this tonight. Be prepared to see your child in a whole new light. Be scared, but do it and then be a good parent and talk to your child about the words they are using, the photos they are sending, the bully ass bitch they are being.
Not only are they hurting my daughter, but they endanger the life of the girl they don't like. They have traumatized that poor girl and added to the responsibility my daughter feels to be supportive of this girl. Maybe she likes her, maybe she just tolerates her, but after watching her be bullied and contemplate taking her life, my daughter can't figure out how to handle that relationship knowing the other girls are being so mean.
I have never had my friends speak to me like this, ever. I have never had my friends ask me to make changes in my life to make me acceptable as a friend. Hell my girlfriends have put up with me for years absolutely not liking my husband nor the boyfriend that came after.
I have a difficult time setting and maintaining boundaries in romantic relationships, but I have never had a single issue holding boundaries when it comes to my girl friends. Mostly, I am certain because they are truly friends and not selfish, self-centered bitches like my poor daughter keeps befriending.
I keep bringing my girl friends into our home so my daughter can see how we speak to each other, in play and on those occasions where we have to be blunt with each other out of concern. I am trying to help her put into context what is healthy and what is abusive. Her girl friends are abusive, controlling, demanding, punishing, manipulative, mean and full of negative energy.
They do not lift each other up. The do not have each other's backs. They do not deserve my daughter's friendship.
I have wondered if my daughter's failure to find decent human beings for girl friends means she won't have the abusive relationships in her romantic life. Last night I lay awake wondering which is better. In theory, you marry your best friend and tackle the world together. I would love for her to have this as her future life. The men in my life has generally turned against me and fought me when push came to shove in our world. I have always become the enemy, not the partner.
I know that my girl friends have always been a greater source of strength than any man has ever been. My girlfriends have always walked through the difficult journeys of my life, right beside me, quietly believing in my strength and ability.
Today, in addition to my prayers for all of the people in the world who are scared and facing danger beyond their control, I am praying for my daughter. I pray she finds real friendship. I pray she realizes she is caught in a cycle of abuse from her current friends. I pray she knows she deserves better treatment from friends and that she knows what she is experiencing is not normal or acceptable behavior. I pray that she knows she is loved by every woman in my life. Most importantly, I pray that she knows I love her and accept her as she is, especially during her time of struggle.