2B or not 2B, that is the age old question.
My answer is 2B.
I choose to be all that I can, although I am still figuring out what all I have to offer. I choose to keep slogging through the thick muck that threatens to suck the shoes off my feet. I choose to take Dory's advice and just keep swimming and when when my arms get tired I will flip over and float for a bit and soak up the sunshine on my face.
I choose to allow myself to be merely human and will pack up away the superwoman martyr cape and let the world know the me that I have hidden for fear of not being enough. I choose to let my children see how hard the world truly is for most of us so that they don't grow up thinking when you hit a wall that you just give up. I don't want to scare them, but life is full of walls and struggle. Everyone gets walls and struggle, not everyone gives in and gives up.
I choose to be present in as many moments as I possibly can, even if this requires sticky notes, alarms to remind me to exhale and belly breathe, and scheduled down time where I just walk and think.
I choose to be outside more. I choose to take my kids with me outside. I choose to get more fresh air in my lungs, more sun on my skin and more wind blowing through the leaves in my ears.
I choose to work hard and take pride in what I do.
I choose to keep striving for financial independence or as I like to think of it as being able to pay all of my bills and set a tiny bit aside for birthdays, holidays and emergencies.
I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve and keep sharing my heart even when it gets handed back to me in pieces.
I choose to put myself first, without explanation, without meanness, without guilt, so that my reservoirs are full when others need me. This is a very difficult choice for me. It requires more courage and guts than I currently carry with me. This is a muscle I need to work and train daily.
I choose to be wordy, emotional and full and bursting with expression.
I choose to wear ninja pants and flip flops every day that I can because I feel fabulous and free and ready to kung fu the fuck out of the bad guys. These pants also make me feel ready to foxtrot at a moments notice.
I choose to be kind to my body. This body created and nurtured and birthed two healthy children and that was one of the coolest things this body has ever done. Then it fed them for the first years of their life. This body has danced me gracefully around the a decent portion of the USA and Italy up to the Netherlands. These feet and knees which scream at me to start doing the strengthening exercise I was given a decade ago so that I can continue to walk up the sides of 14,000 foot mountains so I can stand at the top of the world and feel like a National Geographic Explorer, again & again & again.
I choose to forgive those I feel have hurt me and in doing so, I release the anger, hurt, hate, and poison from my body.
I choose to forgive myself for those I have hurt. I will continue to acknowledge and sit with these feelings and then release the shame, fear, and guilt.
I choose to be a forever learner and as I learn better, to do better.
I choose to be full of love and joy. I choose to share that love and joy with everyone I meet.
I choose to be physically strong again, which means committing to lifting heavy weights to build the muscle that I will need to live the active life I choose for the remaining decades of my time on this earth. I choose to create the body that will make me a capable grandma in the years to come.
I choose to be an example of self care and self love.
I choose to be a woman who takes care of herself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually and in doing so, be a strong shoulder for those I love and a mentor for those who are just starting their journey to freedom and independence.
I choose to be, to matter, to count, to be seen, to be heard, to be worthy, to speak my truth, to teach by example and to thrive.